Sam Kinison: Style Icon, Headwear Enthusiast

Part Janis Joplin, part fat Val Kilmer, touch of tweed, baggy blazer, open mouth, straight Kinison. Keeping that head covered. 

FREE SHIT ON CRAIGS LIST RIGHT NOW

If you're in the New York Metropolitan area, you can snag this stuff for $0. 

 I personally didn't give a shit about this until I saw "1 Bag of Marbles." Tip: stand against a wall with the bag of marbles against your back,  bend and un-bend your knees to enjoy a smooth and invigorating massage sensation. Like lying on the water-worn pebbles of some far away beach! But make sure the bag isn't overstuffed, or marbles will be a-poppin' here, there & everywhere.

1 bag marbles=1 bag "massage beads." I should be in marketing.  (Throw out the buttons, who cares.)

I'm not a numbers gal, but this has got to be at least $6 worth of yogurt (not accounting for coupons).

I think you can click on the image to make it larger so you can read the little story. This person just got a random blu ray copy of Deep Blue Sea sent to his house. I'm hoping one of two things is happening here. Either a young billionaire and his butler are so lonely and out of touch with the world that they randomly mail out blu rays of DBS to commoners or this guy really just wants a girl to come to his house so he can finger her under a blanket while they watch DBS. If you want it, you have to write him an honest, beautiful story about the film. Good luck! 

NEWS AROUND TOWN

Listen, I don't know what sarah is talking about but we've never eaten brownies in our pajamas. That's just never happened. We mostly eat various things you can dip and we usually do it over the sink because best friends don't need their own plates. 

Just some news from around the neighborhood:

One morning last week I popped out of bed ready to take on the new day.  I pulled on some jean shorts from my floor, a checkered button up shirt, a teal scrunchie around my ragamuffin bun-ed hair, and black boots and ran out of the house excited. Unfortunately it was a little chilly so back in my house I went. A very common practice for me. I climbed up the stairs to my front door, up the stairs to my room, pulled on my navy Le Tigre v-neck sweater and ran back outside.  On my journey through the streets of Williamsburg 2 30-somethings approached me and asked if they could take my picture to use as a style reference for a movie they were shooting.  They said it was so that they could reference the neighborhoods authentic style.  I wasn't naive enough to be flattered but I said "oh, what the hell." This is how the conversation went:

Paparazzi #1: OH MY GOD MAKE SURE TO TAKE PICTURES OF HER HAIR

Paparazzi #2: OH MY GOD I KNOW THATS THE BEST PART

Me: haha.. hahahh… ahh .. ook ….    ….   …  

Paparazzi #1: OH MY GOD YOUR SWEATER IS AMAZING!! HOW DID YOU THINK OF THAT??

me:  uh.. huh ..  I don't know..? 

Paparazzi #1: IS EVERYONE WEARING IT LIKE THAT THESE DAYS??

Me: ( I look down and notice that my sweater has been on backwards with the v-neck in the back for the entire like 15 blocks that I walked)  oh I don't know I just thought it was cool (I played it off so chill) 

Paparazzi #2: OH MY GOD IT TOTALLY IS!!! 

They wouldn't tell me what movie it was for. Lord only knows it was probably not real and they were just making fun of me for not looking in the mirror before I left the house. Either way if some movie comes out and everyone is wearing their sweaters backwards IT WAS MY IDEA BITCHES!!!!!!!! ugh everything is terrible.  

Moving on…. 

The other day Sarah and I took a spontaneous trip to the beach (sadly leaving Ask Anna behind at work) but before we left we decided we wanted some snacks. After pondering every new artisanal start up food product at Hana we decided that all we really wanted was some cooler ranch Doritos.  I checked 3 bodegas only to find more artisanal snacks. Are people really eating this many pop corners that you would fill your whole bodega with them? This was extremely disappointing to me. We ended up bringing ZERO snacks to the beach.  Very sad. Don't 

 though, all is not lost. I was at Key Foods yesterday and they had a buy one get one free deal.  Hopefully its not to clear the shelves for more pop chips.  

DID YOU EVER NOTICE?

It's true, no one cares about YOUR quarter-life crisis, but I'm not above forcing a few people to care about MINE.  I recently (like mid-June) had the pleasure of reading some of poetry at Bushwick's lovely Fitness gallery/venue as part of the Death Panel series that my friend Andy puts together. I read seven poems, if memory serves, and this was the last of my "set." Enjoy!

Letter to couple/Dedication to Andy Rooney, the “Did you ever notice…” guy from the newsmagazine show 60 Minutes

When you ask me to dogsit,

And I’ve never been in your house before,

And your dog likes to chew things,

And eat things,

Like he did to a pair of my underwear,

And like the yarn balls

In the basket where you keep the yarn balls:

Please move the sex toys

Out of the yarn ball basket

So that I don’t come home from work

And see chewed up yarn balls all over the floor

And chewed up sex toys all over the floor

That I then have to inform you were

Chewed up by your dog,

So that you don’t get some strange disease

That no one has ever heard of.

Put them in a box

Or a cabinet

Or, I don’t know, wherever the dog

Won’t stick his face.

Did you ever notice that dogs are always

Sticking their faces where they don’t belong?

Ohhh Andy, you nut. Watch this video. He says "boobs."

If you'd like to read more of my poems, check out another infrequently updated blogspot, otter space!

DO YOU HAVE A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE? And other pieces of paper

Ha, two posts in a row with "Mother" in the title! Uh oh, hope this blog doesn't start vomiting in the mornings and crying for no reason...

Here's our new FLYER! You can see it HERE and out on the streets of the L-train parts of Brooklyn (soon to be elsewhere)!

We cannot confirm whether the service itself is or is not real. But what we can confirm is that the dude posing is in fact a real male model who can be hired for all sorts of things, including but not limited to pornographic imagery specifically shot for Tumblr.  In fact, we've noticed that he's so in demand, people have just been ripping him off the pole...


You guys remember our first flyer: "We Found Our Cat and We're So Happy"? No? Well, you can see that here and here:

Finally, we never posted the flyer for our third America-themed POWER HOUR, which was held at the Silent Barn in late June (though it says Spectacle Theater...long story, don't worry about it...). We're proud of it though, so have a look!

If you live in another city (or another part of our city) and would like to desecrate the streets with We Found Our Cat or Only a Mother Could Love, let us know (doyousmellribs@gmail.com) and we'll mail you some to put up! Taping flyers is a fun activity and if you bring a friend you can still smoke while you do it! 

Have a blessed day. 

Hey, what's up?//Mothers News

Readers, 

 So for the past couple months this blog has really let itself go. It has ended up watching Golden Girls re-runs and eating brownies in its pajamas all day (jealous tho?). Posting about completely irrelevant/ goofy/pointless stuff started seeming irrelevant/ goofy/pointless. I was considering turning my back forever, BUT THEN...

(photo from the Printeresting blog entry about MN)

I started reading MOTHERS NEWS, and everything changed! 

 MN is the greatest random, non-thematic, pointless passion project I've ever seen. Wait, does that sound like a diss?? It is SO not (also I am in no way comparing the DYSR blog to this sterling publication, just hear me out!). The free Providence, RI based newspaper/comics zine (it includes work by Michael Deforge and Mickey Z. among others) put out by the Rhododendron Festival, is simply whatever it wants to be. There are recurring comics and somewhat consistent structural elements, but for the most part the contributors discuss whatever the fuck they want (Zeppo, poisonous frogs, the 24-hr Rhode Island Bach festival, pagan rituals, who killed spikey jacket, herbalism, snacks, getting "zooted," parking lots, etc etc). The result is a one-of-a-kind, side-splittingly funny, wickedly intelligent and informative piece of ephemeral culture that looks great and reads great. I 100% guarantee that if you read it on the subway, at the bar, or while you're waiting for your movie to start, you will look sexy as all get out (though I gotta say, I never get dudes coming up and talking to me more than when I'm reading Rick Altergott's Doofus Omnibus! It's like I'm a tan blonde in a Corona-print bikini taking tequila shots in Seaside! But really I read it cus I like it...who in the hell wants random dudes talking to them??)! 

(Image os Doofus #2 taken from tumblr, credited to Chris Anthony Diaz. Thanks bro!)

MN proves what I hope most of us already know--that the best projects fully indulge their own weirdness, make no apologies, and don't wait around for other people to notice them. 

I sound like a Hair Club For Men commercial, but MN has given me the desire and the confidence to start tossing my cookies on here again. More importantly, to post about whatever I damn well please in whatever voice I feel is apropos. FUCK THE WORLD!

Anyway the back issues of Mothers News are now archived online! REJOICE! But really, AND YOU KNOW THIS, you should send in a subscription and look forward to that monthly envelope arriving. Life is too short to not read words off paper. 

So I know what you're thinking: You broke the third wall! Just go back to posting stupid pictures and stuff! Alright alright. To quote Paper Rad's "Give Pizza A Chance" animation (no longer online. sad face), "ask and your dog shall retrieve!"--SF

(FT from Return of the Killer Tomatoes)

His and Hers

Baby Arnold in Robert Altman's 1973 retelling of Philip Marlowe's noir adventure The Long Goodbye

Sexy AA model with a slightly smaller package